What It's Really Like to Raise Kids With Special Needs on the Mission Field

What happens when your missionary journey includes parenting a child with special needs?How do you handle therapy, schooling, and support in a cross-cultural setting? How do you balance your calling with your kid’s unique needs?

In this very raw, hope-filled panel conversation, Stephanie, along with two missionary couples, the Maurers and Wurdemans, share their unique journeys of parenting children with special needs on the field—and all of the emotions that go with it!

Whether your child was diagnosed before you went overseas or while on the field, you’ll find encouragement, camaraderie, and practical wisdom here. We talk adoption, diagnosis, cultural stigma, guilt, sibling dynamics, marriage strain, faith struggles—and the surprising gifts God weaves through it all.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• What to say (and not say) when people in your host culture misunderstand your child’s needs.
• Why some missionary parents feel isolated—and where to find others who truly get it.
• How faith and frustration often show up together on this parenting journey.
• Creative ways to build community support, even when resources are scarce.
• The power of honest conversations with your sending church and supporters.

Thanks for listening! Email us your questions at care@modernday.org

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Transcript

Uwe & MaDonna and Brice & Amanda

Stephanie: Welcome to this episode of the Modern Day Missionaries Podcast. Also, welcome to our very first panel we've ever had here on the podcast. I am joined today by two couples, Uwe and MaDonna, Brice and Amanda, and together the five of us talk about our journey of parenting children with special needs on the mission field. We talk about some of the really funny parts, some of the huge challenges. Everybody gets raw and honest on this episode, which is what I love. And it's interesting how we've got these three distinct stories, and yet there are these common themes that thread through all of it. So I just believe this episode is gonna be very encouraging to you today.

I love the honesty, I love the helpfulness, and I love these two couples, and I think you will too. So with that, let's dive into today's episode. Uwe, MaDonna, Brice, and Amanda, welcome to the Modern Day Missionaries Podcast. We are so glad to have you today.

Uwe & MaDonna: Thank you for having us.

Brice & Amanda: Thank you for having us.

Stephanie: So this is the largest group of guests we have ever had. So I'm gonna try and make it easy so we can flow well today and have fun. But we're talking about a subject that is very near and dear to our hearts, and I'm guessing it's very near and dear to our listeners. If you have clicked on this episode, then you are probably the parent or loved one of a child with special needs, or it's a topic that's important to your heart. And so we've got these two couples here today, and this is their life journey as well. And I'm just so excited to mine from you guys, your real-life experience of being in the field and having kids with special needs. 

So I'd love to just kick it off by having each of you share just briefly about your kids with special needs. What are their names, what are their ages, and what are some of the challenges or disabilities that they have? 

Brice & Amanda: So we have seven kids at home, and our two littlest ones, they both have Down Syndrome and their names are Russ and Sutter, and they just turned five. They're a week apart, and they are kind of everybody’s favorites. Yeah, it's fair to say.  So I feel like they're pretty spoiled and just so loved, but yeah, they're such gifts, so grateful for them.

Stephanie: And Uwe, MaDonna, how about you?

Uwe & MaDonna: We have three kids in total. Our daughter with special needs, her name is Matea, she's 21, almost 22, she has a chromosomal deletion called CATCH Cry Syndrome or 5P Minus. She's cognitively about two, three, or four years old, depending on the day. 

Stephanie: Yeah. Wow. And we were just kind of talking about this beforehand. Because we were saying, like, oh, our little kids. And then I was like, wait, okay, like in your guys' case, and my case, our kids are in their twenties, but they're still just our little people. I call her my big little kid. It's both somehow at the same time. 

So, we've all been or are still doing missions. So, Uwe, MaDonna, you guys are still serving in Taiwan. And how long have you guys been there for?

Uwe & MaDonna: We moved here in 2006 after being in China for a few years before that.

Stephanie: Long time. Long time. And Brice and Amanda, you guys were on the field, was it 15 years?

Brice & Amanda: Yeah, so we served for 15 years in the Caribbean region between Haiti, St. Vincent, and Barbados. 

Stephanie: And did any of you think that you were going to be raising kids with special needs on the field?

Brice & Amanda: No.

Uwe & MaDonna: No.

Stephanie: You know, sometimes God lets you know beforehand. Sometimes it's a surprise. I'm thinking of our listeners who probably have some who have gone into the field with kids already with special needs. I know that was my story. And then for others, maybe you gave birth to a child with special needs, adopted Brice and Amanda, like your guys' case. So everybody, we're all coming in with these different stories, and yet these things that bring us together. 

So I'd love to ask you guys, what's something that caught you off guard about raising a child with special needs in another country? Maybe something you just didn't see coming.

Uwe & MaDonna: Okay, well, first off, Matea was born in China and wasn't diagnosed until she was 10 months old. So by the time she was diagnosed, we didn't know any different, so I don't know what raising a child in America is like, because we've never done it. Never raised a child, or a child with special needs.

So I can't compare it to any other country, so it's kind of hard to do that. I think the biggest thing was when we moved from China to Taiwan, God provided exactly what she needed at the right time. Has always been the answer for everything, but also just I feel like he's led us in ways that when we came to do an interview, because my husband was a principal and was interviewing for a principal position at a school. We met a family that we knew, and their son had the same feeding tube that Mateaa had. So just tiny little gifts like that, of like, yeah, this is the right way. Not saying signs because I don't like that word, but just little glimmers of like, yes, hope for me, I think peace for my heart to know that it was the right decision.

Stephanie: And then, Brice, Amanda, your journey was an adoption one. So you invited children into your family knowing they had special needs, correct?

Brice & Amanda: Yes. So we had our son, he was a surprise when we were on the field and that brought so much I don't know, all of, at least where we were in the Caribbean, there is so many different beliefs of, okay, well I did something wrong, instead of, you know, I mean we know they're a gift and wanna celebrate them, but it was all this pressure of people kept wanting to inform me that I had done something wrong, that I'd eaten something, that I hadn't taken care of myself, that it was the pain that I was around, I must have been, or something. 

And so with his birth, it kind of felt like we had all this pressure on the field of you did something wrong. And, but then with our son, we adopted him after we moved off the field from a European country. Then it was the total opposite. But when we were in Serbia getting him, everybody was just like, wow, I can't believe that you would take in a child with special needs.

And they just wanted to hear, and it wasn't a guilt thing or a, you did something wrong. It was amazing. And wanting to hear more about families that do that. So it was kind of, I feel like we got to see both sides of it. 

Stephanie: I love that you guys brought up that shame element, too. Uwe and MaDonna, did you guys experience that? People blaming or acting like it was something that you did that caused your child's disability?

Uwe & MaDonna: Maybe, but I feel like because we're foreigners, they didn't expect her to have anything wrong with her, if that makes any sense. Like when they live down the street, they just thought, oh, she's just really small. She must be a baby. Or as she got older, they don't see it until she started talking to them. And she's nonverbal, so her words don't come out correctly. And then they think, oh, she's just speaking English. Because maybe they don't understand English. And then when it comes out and then they think, oh, that's odd. So I don't, as a foreigner, I don't think they always see it.

And then, as a Christian or a missionary, we've had pastors come up and ask my husband, Why would God do this to you? I don't understand.  Your parents were your missionaries. Why would God do this? So it's brought some really good conversations. So yes, we did, but not such a negative. But I do know that it's here in this area, in this part of the world as well. But I haven't experienced it. Have you? No, I tend to think too though that, because of shame, guilt, or whichever culture falls in. I think it's as prevalent in Western cultures as it is in Asian cultures. I can't speak to Latin cultures.

I have no idea. I really have no experience in Latin cultures, but even in North America and Western Europe, I think it's just phrased a little bit differently.  I think it's kind of a pit, you know, make sure you let the government take over very quickly to give you everything you need. So I think of a human condition rather than a cultural issue, that there is, for those who aren't continuously exposed to individuals with special needs, there's just no reference point. And so it's helped me to be very because they just don't know, and they don't have the exposure.  You always have to try to fit your experience into a framework that you have already set in your head. And it just, if there's no framework, then I think it's as much an issue in Western or Western's hard to say Western European and North American cultures.

Stephanie: And that's a great point as to whether you've been exposed to it before or not. Certainly. Because you're right, I mean, I've experienced it. Our daughter was here until she was eight, and then we moved when she was eight. So I've done it. Living in the US, a child with special needs, the whole birthing process here, and then also going overseas.  And MaDonna, to your point, I do think you're right. I had not thought about it till you just said it, that a foreigner's experience is probably a little bit different. Because there is an extra grace that you get sometimes. Not in all cultures, but in some, and they don't know, like you said, that our daughter had halting English.

Well, they didn't know that unless they were an English speaker, they're not necessarily gonna pick up on all those things. So that's interesting. We felt the guilt and shame here in the US, but it depended on the group of people you're with. Kinda like you were saying, Uwe, I think there are some places where people don't know what to think, and so they do blame, and it's something you did, and it's a hidden sin, and then there are other people who, it's not a big deal at all.

 You mentioned you weren't, because you hadn't seen it as much in Latin culture, or you hadn't been exposed to Latin American culture. And that's where I was. And we did not experience it to the same degree, but we used to partner with a couple to do retreats and kind of workshops for parents of kids with special needs, the guilt there put on parents. Oh my gosh, it was awful. Awful. I mean, they thought certainly it was something they'd done, and so they walked around carrying that guilt and ended up manifesting in their parenting so much shame. And sometimes it would come out in the way they disciplined their kids or treated them, or just even the way you were with your kid.

I remember when I used to feel guilty. When our daughter was younger, I didn't relate to her the same way. I don't feel like I embraced her the same way as when I did once God's grace came in and lifted that from me. So yeah, there are so many factors. Culture is one, but there are so many others, and now you guys have a ministry, Uwe, MaDonna Taiwan Sunshine, where you work with families, with children with disabilities.

So what are some of the things you've seen with those families?

Uwe & MaDonna: I'll let you speak. Okay. One more. You know, it depends on your socioeconomic level and your different regional cultures. So really, we see a lot of the shame here as well.  We see a lot of the isolation know, keeping out of the community. It's easy to say that's a shame. Part of that's also just exhaustion. So it's a physical need, not just a cultural issue.

It's very much an expert culture. What I mean by that is that unless you are an expert in a certain field, you can't do much in that field.  So, meaning that, you know, unless you're a trained therapist, you can't help kids on a sports day, or unless you're a trained special ed teacher, you don't know how to help them in the classroom. And so there's a kind an avoidance and a kind of handing over to someone who has more expertise. And so it's hard to compare because I think the common cultural element, what supersedes culture, is, in our case, say, the shared suffering of having a child with special needs. And that's the immediate bond, that's a stronger bond than a cultural bond. And that's what we've noticed here again and again and again, that even though as we're connecting these communities and we don't always connect with their culture, the thing that immediately opens the door for us if Matea comes along for any of the things we do, there is no cultural barrier.

But there is that reluctance to talk about it, because that you have a child with special needs it's always minimized. They're always gonna be okay. In Christian communities here especially, it's always the idea of, well, if you can just pray a little bit more, give a little bit more, do a little bit more, confess a little bit more, have a little bit more faith, have a little bit more donations, have a little bit more extra service then God will eventually heal your child. And so when that doesn't happen, then I think that leads to a real crisis and faith. That's kind of what we're sensing here. The guilt, shame, the avoidance are there.  The handing over to experts is here and then in the Christian setting's a crisis of faith when you've been told what you need to do to fix your child, and then you do it and it doesn't happen. But it's not just a Taiwanese cultural thing. I think that's a global human condition as well. 

Stephanie: Well, and I like that you mentioned it that way because we have missionaries listening from all over the world to this, and there are things that they're gonna have in common. And like you said, that's a global piece. And I remember I had a book of scripture verses when I was pregnant. Because they suspected beforehand that she had special needs, and I would declare them every single morning. And then after she was born, which we just couldn't even believe that she had something, was born with something, we were just blown away. Because we thought it would just be healed through our brilliant, faith-filled efforts. Again, just going through that book and reading the verses, declaring and feeling as if you just got good enough or did enough, or that it would somehow make it better. And it was oppressive because I grew up in a faith environment, and it's wonderful to have faith and belief for healing. That's an amazing thing. And it's awful when it gets in the way of loving your kid the way God designed you to. And that was what it did for me. 

I mean, I didn't give up on faith. I believe God has an amazing plan for her life, whatever that looks like. But I had to let go of a lot of things because it was keeping me from loving him. Well, so that's powerful. I like that you're getting into some of that emotional space, some of the feelings behind it. It's a shared suffering, and as Christians, it's like, oh my gosh, are we seeing our kids as causing us suffering? First of all, all kids cause all parents suffering. Like we cause our parents suffering. I mean, and joys. So yes, our kids are amazing. Yes, they're joyful. Yes. God has great things for them. It's really hard.

 So like Brice and Amanda, you interestingly have a child with special needs and have adopted a child with special needs. I'd love to hear about the emotional piece that you went through in that. Like, what did you feel like with the birth, and then how did you get to the point where you're like, let's do this again on purpose this time?.

Brice & Amanda: Well, we kind of share, you know, as a part of that, because you know, we didn't know when we were pregnant with Rusk, and again, he was our sixth. And then when he was born, I mean, you know, God made wives, and moms with such a unique sense. I mean, immediately she just went I think he has Down syndrome. And I was like, pump the brakes. It's okay. No, I'm sure that you're just overreacting, or something. And he did, and we didn't know.  And it just, honestly, it opened our hearts to, okay, what does this look like? And we started learning more about the world and the needs of kids all over the world with disabilities. And so it just started us on that unique journey, and what a blessing that was. 

And so, because you know, for a long time, for us, where we were serving just had the opportunity to be around orphan children a lot, and we welcomed them into our homes. And each time my wife would look at me and say, Hey, we should adopt. And I was very reluctant, very resistant to that. And it was like, I think we're good. You know, I think we're okay, honey. And so each place where we were serving, you know, our family kept growing until I just, I just didn't want to do that. And eventually, after Rusk was born, I finally was like, hey, I think, I think we should adopt. I think God's been working on my heart. And Amanda's response was like, You wait till after six kids, to now wanna adopt. 

And so yeah, it just started us on that, you know, that beautiful journey. But it was just a different set of emotions that kind of went with that. And so, information that you received from the country, and about the child, and then when you met, you know, when we met Sutter, it was very different than what was communicated to us. And so it was quite the journey. Yeah.

Stephanie: I bet. What was that like for you, Amanda?

Brice & Amanda: I was probably a little different than Brice. Like I had a sad kind of day. I had avoided kids with special needs all my life. I am so ashamed to say that you know, when we would go to orphanages, I would play with all the kids. And the ones I didn't play with were the ones that, you know, were in the corner and neglected and had special needs, and I wish I could go back. Because now those would be the first kids I'd want to go hold and play with, and who aren't picked up. But I didn't feel comfortable, I guess.

 And so when he was born, it was really hard. Brice was great and just like, okay. And from the minute he came, I was scared, and it took me a little while, and even the thought of, you know, we felt God leading us to adopt him, but it was still scary. And even at the last minute, when we got him, kind of like Brice said, he is what our first son was born blind and just has a lot of extra needs besides just Down syndrome. So when we saw Sutter's chart, it was easy to be like, okay, he has Down syndrome, but the reports were all, but he can talk, he can do this, he can do this.

So I thought, wow, this is gonna be so easy. And then when we got him, he was completely, you know, he was having seizures and drugged, and he couldn't even at two and a half lift his head or sit up. He still hasn't learned how to walk, and we don't know if he will, and, you know, he can't talk. And so just everything they had said, I'm thankful that we didn't know all that because I think when we were looking at him and when they had brought him to, you know, that it would've been this checklist of, this is too overwhelming, we can't do it. But I'm so thankful because we have him now, and I'm so glad we do. But if I had known all that of his extra needs beforehand, I don't know, you know, if we would've gone to adopt him. So I'm thankful that we didn't know all that until later because yeah, God's just equipped us and helped us to raise him with every little different thing we find out. 

Stephanie: And thanks for your honesty and for sharing that. Just even what you shared a second ago, about weren't drawn to the kids with special needs in the beginning. I mean, I wasn't either, if I can be honest. I think probably many parents aren't. Maybe some are. And how cool, like if that's your story, that's amazing. God specially prepared you. 

I think so many of us in life that the things that come our way, we aren't prepared for them at. And that feeling of overwhelm, like you said, when you finally came into your home. I mean, if I could count the number of times that I have just like broken down, I mean, during our journey, I said, Lord, you picked the wrong parent. Like, I don’t feel equipped for this. I don't feel like I have what I take. Like I'll, you know, I've seen her with my mom, who's just like the Energizer bunny, and I'm like, Lord, maybe my mom was supposed to be the mom. It's just that feeling of insufficiency when you look at your child's needs sometimes. Then recognizing, no, no, God knows what he's doing, and he equips us with what we feel like we don't have. 

 Mean, like Uwe and Madonna, when is a moment where you felt like this is too much, I'm overwhelmed? I don't know if I can keep going forward.

Uwe & MaDonna: and Matea were traveling in a different city, and our room at the guest house wasn't ready yet. And so I thought, ah, no, it'll be great. We'll just go to like a coffee shop, and I have her iPad. She'll watch her iPad show, and we'll eat some lunch. I did a quick thing on my computer, and we got lunch eaten, and then she just had a meltdown. She was ready for a nap. And I thought, can I get us back to the place where the guesthouse is, and please let there be a key. I'm about to have a meltdown, you know? Because she was angry. So, yeah. So yesterday I was like, I can't do this. So, but you know, God provided, I think it was ready, and she could take a nap when we got there. But for those five, 10 minutes, I thought, I'm not gonna make it.

Stephanie: Oh my gosh. You know what this reminds me of? What you guys said earlier, too, about like the bonding over the suffering piece, which sounds heavy, but it's real. Like I remember when we were invited to this retreat at WinShape. It's the Marriage and Family Foundation of Chick-fil-A, and it was for parents of children with special needs. And we got invited. It was the first one they'd ever done, and this couple was leading it. They're now good friends. They're amazing. Brad and Karen Thompson. And, we go in and we're all sitting around the table and everyone really knows each other and they're like, so tell us about your kids. One of the parents was like, Tell us what's going on with your kids? And one of the parents goes, Oh, like what are their special superpowered super abilities? It was something like very, like a super sweet, and she was the sweetest thing ever, like this kind of Christian way of describing things, and he did this on purpose to shake us all up. He goes, No, what's wrong with your kid? And we all looked at him like, Who are you? Like, no one's ever talked this way, but it was this funny moment of levity where we could all just be like, okay, yeah. Like, and everybody got to swap stories. And at first, you could tell everybody felt a little awkward and a little guilty.

Like, do I say these things about my kid? But it led to laughing. It led to crying and these bonding moments. I remember, I had a principal growing up, the principal of our school, and he had a daughter with some significant special needs, and he would tell the funniest stories on her, never in a mocking or mean way, just in a hilarious way. And that freed me up, seeing people I loved and respected being able to talk about the fun things and the faith things, and the good things God has for their life. And laugh about the crazy things our kids do and the times we wanna pull our hair out. It's like, ah. Just to be able to say that feels good. So thanks to Donna for saying that yesterday. Because that's real. That's real.

Uwe & MaDonna: She’s happy until she's not. And that's kinda what I tell.

Stephanie: Okay, so I wanna talk about ministry and actions, and this parenting right now. So we've got this side of us, we're on the mission field. We've got this calling. We're following the path God has for us. And then we've got kids with special needs. And it sometimes feels like those two things are pulling us in opposite directions. Those moments for you guys, how have you been able to figure out what God is asking of you in those moments? MaDonna, how about you guys?

Uwe & MaDonna: Yeah, why don't you answer that? I'll start, and I'll try from my perspective.  So what we do right now is a direct result of Matea being diagnosed, and then when we move to Taiwan, just see some of the needs in the community after we're there. 

And so both of us used to be teachers in international Christian schools. I was a principal in several international schools in Asia. Then, so that was kind of the track that we were on, especially when we were living in China. Just because of the language culture. All of that was such a good fit for us. And then moving here was difficult because the hard part there was letting go of the dream of doing what we wanted to do in China. But then I was a principal here for several years, and what we do now kind of came out of interacting with the community here. So it kind of shifted that we dropped one area of ministry and then shifted to the next one because of Mateaa. I shouldn't say because of Mateaa, but just through interacting with people and seeing different people and seeing what some of the needs are, and then also feeling like it was time for me to stop being a school principal in the international schools. 

And so, the tension, the conflict, think for us it wasn't so much that because it just kind of naturally led from one focus into another focus. Then that kind of was me. I think maybe made that a little bit easier, looking back, how God orchestrated all of that. At the moment, I think it was really hard because I think the thing that a lot of people don't talk about or aren't aware of, that having a child with special needs isn't just a loss of our dreams for the child, but it's a loss of our dreams as well. Because the adjustments that some of them careers, some of them lifestyle, some of them empty nest, you know, some of those types of things, that are just such a big, big change and a loss of our dreams as well.  As far as the calling piece and the kids. 

And as far as it being in conflict, I again think that, because we've run into enough missionaries who struggle with the family conflict in ministry with kids who don't have special needs. So again, I don't know if that is specific to special needs. Of course, some elements are very, very different, but I think that the thing for me, I can only speak for myself, is to learn the benchmarks, the success, the measure of success. Whether I have a child with special needs or not is never, you know, how many, you know, how great did I do? How many things did I do? How much did I do? How successful was I? It's, Was I always faithful and obedient? Those are the two, you know, those are the only two benchmarks.

Being faithful and being obedient. And so, faithful and obedient are defined differently, in my opinion, when we have a child with special needs. So, it's a struggle for all missionaries when you kind of might feel helpless in a culture, and you gotta have some level of success. You know, I think that's hard, then to accept that you can't do what you wanted to do. Because it no longer allows you to feel successful in how you define success in the first place. And a lot of times, your mission leaders are, too. 

Stephanie: No, that's relatable, what you said there, and I think to your point, it's critical that your missions, whether it's an agency, organization, or your supporting church, that whoever it is that is sending you understands that you have kids with special needs, like more than just sees it on paper or has met your family. They understand what that means because if they're trying to pressure you to attain some type of number ideal, that's just not even realistic. I mean, yeah, it just puts undue pressure on you, on the kids. And like you said, I think it's challenging for anybody anywhere. 

I think a hard, a hard thing for me, I  don't know about with you guys, was when our daughter started to get older, becausese we had two daughters that were just a year apart and so when they were younger, you know, they do little kid things, it was still very hard. But I felt the bump against the ministry, I think, when she got older, especially when she turned 18. I remember breaking down and crying, in one sense, crying for gratitude. Because I said she'd never live that long. So I was just like, God, you're so good. I can't even believe it. This is amazing. And she's healthy, she's strong, she's thriving, and it hit me. We aren't gonna be empty nesters, and oh, did I grieve that. So it's this mix of joy and thankfulness and the miracle that our kids are, and this grief and loss of things that are. 

I remember looking at Danny and going, we would've been good empty nesters. Like, we like each other. Like, we have a really fun marriage. We make a great team. We would've been great empty nesters, and we got to grieve that together. And still, I would say that some days, and celebrate having our little buddy with us, our life companion. It's this, I mean, you guys know, it's this weird mix of emotion. Where you feel everything all at once. 

Yeah. I wanna, I wanna talk too, about siblings. So, Brice and Amanda, you have seven kids. I still am a little in awe of that. Like, props to two guys. That's amazing.  I love, I love when you said, Brice, you wanna adopt after we have six kids. That was great. So I'd love to talk about the impact on siblings. I know I've noticed the impact it's had on our daughter, the way it shaped her. What was the impact on your kids of having children with special needs?

Brice & Amanda: So Art is pro. I feel like Art is a little different because our other kids were all older, and so for the majority of their lives, like our oldest is 18, they didn't have the boys in their lives, you know, so for them, I think it was just the boys changed our lives so much, and I feel like it just changed them so much, so much for the better. Because I mean they had grown up on the mission field, and so, you know, they loved serving and they loved giving and just, you know, so many things that I felt like they got to. They learned because they grew on the mission field, but once their brothers were born, it was just, I mean, they were old, and it's been so neat.

Like, our daughter wants to go into nursing because, you know, she's just seen a lot of helping them, and just wants the medical side of things they've been through. And, our little girls, we have seven and 8-year-old girls, and they tell everyone I wanna adopt ten kids, five with Down syndrome, five with not, you know, and they have autism too, and so they're just like, and I want some to have autism and I want some to, I mean, they didn't know anything about that before and they just, and I mean, they walk into a room, you know, at church or anything, and the first person people they go to are people with special needs and look, mom, look, that there's somebody, can we go sit by that guy? And they would not have had that. 

I know that their hearts, our hearts, none of them were like that before they were born. And I just am so grateful that all of our hearts were changed. So they're just very, they're again, though, I feel like the boys are very spoiled because of them. They want to just do everything for them. And so that is challenging, but they just, yes, love them so much.

Stephanie: Yeah. Isn't it? Okay. This makes me think about, you brought up earlier about how, like, you know, you and I were saying we weren't the ones who necessarily sought out kids with special needs when we were younger. I think what's fun is now we get to have kids where they're the ones like who go and do that. And so it just, it's a beautiful thing to get to see in your kids something that maybe you didn't have or didn't know. Their knowledge. 

You know, Uwe, you mentioned that earlier. A lot of people just aren't exposed to it. They don't know what to do with that. So what a beautiful thing for our families that kids get to be raised with that perspective. And then our families, I mean, wherever we're at, whether we're on the mission field, whether we're in our passport country, our families get to be this light to other people, and this opportunity for people to encounter someone with special needs gets normalized and gets to see us loving our kids and not feeling shame and not hiding them, but having them just out there living life and celebrating them. It is. 

Especially in cultures. I mean, I know like ours for sure, where having a child with special needs was an embarrassing thing, and it was a beautiful thing. A missionary came down to our church who had worked with two missionaries, who had worked with children with special needs, and one of them started a ministry for kids with special needs at our church in Peru, which was huge. That did not exist before. And so I think there's so much that we can do.  You know, we go on the mission field with one idea, and then God just has all these other plans. And it's fun to say what it does. 

I'd love to ask, like MaDonna, if you could sit down with a missionary parent who just found out that their child had special needs, what is one thing that you would want them to hear? What does their heart need to hear? 

Uwe & MaDonna: I think that there's joy in the birth, you know, and joy in the child to not to forget that. Are we thankful for the child? And then just to know that there's a community out there of people who understand and can walk alongside them, that can answer questions or just listen. I think that's the biggest thing.

I think so many parents just need to hear that there's somebody who can listen and nod their head and understand. They may not have all the answers, but at least they understand the hard. And the joy, and like you said, just a whole package of emotions at once.

Stephanie: And where have you been able to find some of those voices, those people to listen to you guys?

Uwe & MaDonna: Well, fortunately in Taiwan, I think there's a good number of missionary families that have kids with special needs, and the island's small enough that that's one place where I've been able to find is just other parents here on the island. But another one is just that I started a Facebook page for families that have kids with special needs. And there's been some there where we can just say, Hey, having a bad day, or kids are resources, where somebody's moving somewhere. Does anybody know? And then people jumped in from other countries and said, Yes, here's the doctor you need. I'll DM you. You know, things just like that. Just having that kind of support. 

 I think community, though, on the ground where you're at in the city, trying to build that support system, finding the aunties and the uncles who can kind of come alongside and help. I think one of the best things is just having someone either come and stay with the child with special needs so that you as a family can go with your other children and do something, whether it's just going for a meal and making it just an easy meal that's quieter or, I don't wanna say it, but normal, like a normal meal without an just so that you can sit and chat with them. It is important. 

Stephanie: Yes. And okay. Your Facebook page that you mentioned,  I'm reading the minds of listeners, going, where is this Facebook page? Is this something that I can join? Is that open?

Uwe & MaDonna: It's not open, it is private. There are a couple of forms you have to fill out, but it's raising TCKs with the special needs on Facebook. 

Stephanie: That's amazing. Yeah, let's get a link to that for sure. That's something that I wish I had when I was in the field. I remember doing a lot of Googling and searching when I first went down. I couldn't find anything like that. So I just love you guys, and that's why we're talking about this today. Because the fact that there's more support than there used to be, it's significant. It's not as lonely as it was before. Because in a group like yours, you can kind of recognize some of those global themes that we all deal with everywhere. And then maybe find parents in your community who have also children with special needs you can, you can bond together, laugh together, cry together, watch each other's kids together, do all some of those things. Because you really can't do it alone. Really can't do it alone.

How about you guys? Amanda Rice, is there a piece of encouragement that you would love to offer missionary parent of a child with special needs?

Brice & Amanda: Well, one thing that comes to mind is, you know, the number one thing that we heard when Rus was born was, whether it's in the church or it's outside the church, I'm sorry. You know, mourn it that there's like a death that happened, and it's very easy to kind of take that in. And so I, you know, one of the things is to celebrate your child. Don't see it as like, this is a death, this is a beautiful life. And so one of the things is, we just didn't recognize some of that. And so, to celebrate the community piece was essential.

And you know, one of the things that we found was that we didn't have a whole lot of community where we lived on this field. But thankfully, you know, just a lot of resources outside. So definitely try to find a lot of that. But yeah, I think so, because of our church, we had church support. And they were amazing. Like we remember feeling like, well, where we were living, they didn't offer therapies, and everyone was writing saying, you've gotta move back, you've gotta get them into therapy, you've gotta do this. And then there was someone in the church who was like, Hey, you know, my son has that too. And so these are the things that helped, you know, him learn to drink and eat, and they just sent a box of supplies down, and then the same church was like, Hey, there's this lady that does you know, speech therapy, and we're gonna gift that she can do it online for you guys. And so, I mean, I think sometimes the church might not think of that, but this church did.

We didn't even have to ask for it. I didn't even know about that. And so just, you know, I think if even saying, I mean, now there are so many online therapies, but I think just saying, Hey, you know, even like Uwe had talked earlier about I mean, being honest, and you know, like letting the church know, Hey, or you know, this is something, and they can pray about maybe there's somebody in the churches or supporters that could be able to help with those. You know, if that's something you want.

Stephanie: God can do miraculous things. He really can. I mean, it's a miracle that gets us all in the field to begin with. But then we're there, like if we're supposed to be there, he will make a way. And there are seasons where it's a long season of waiting, but I mean, we've got crazy stories of God helping us, like finding this school for kids with special needs, like two minutes from our house. And then I remember we started a missionary internship, and one of the interns he sent down just happened to be a former special ed teacher who helped me, you know, get together a whole homeschool curriculum because when we were transitioning her out of the school, when she'd outgrown it. I mean, it was stuff that like. And I know everyone's journey is different, and so, you know, somebody might be listening and going, well, that's not my journey. And I get that everyone's journey is different. And I'm not saying it was easy by any means for us.

There were also seasons where we had no one, and we were trying to figure things out, and it was rocky. But there are times when God, sure, he might call a family off the field, a child needs a service in another country. And, if that's your situation, like okay, then God is gonna make a way for that too. And if you're supposed to be on the field, we believe he'll make a way, but he calls families. And so if he's called you there, you both have peace about that as parents, and we believe with you, all five of us believe with you that God will help you find the resources you need. We do have to fight for them. I have to say, sometimes Amanda, like you beautifully said, God will just send people or do things, and you're like, oh, what a grace.

 I remember my husband was knocking on doors in a park because somebody told him there was a school in a park, and he knocked on doors until he found the door of the school. And that is symbolized, I think, our life for us there. It's knocking on doors sometimes until your fingers are knuckles are bloody. And then sometimes it is a gift straight from heaven that falls in your lap, and you're just like This is a grace. I needed this. Thank you, Jesus. But man, it's a journey unlike any others, and it's a journey that only those of us in the special club will ever fully understand.

Stephanie: Thank you guys for the beautiful job that you do with Matea, with Rus, with Sutter. You guys are beautiful parents and such an inspiration, I know, to everybody who's listening, and, Uwe did wanna mention Uwe and MaDonna, you have a ministry for these families. Could you mention that quickly, just for people who might wanna find out more?

Uwe & MaDonna: So, our organization is called Taiwan Sunshine, and our goal is to support and encourage families that have kids with special needs. The focus is really on the family. I feel like a lot of ministry is to the kids with special needs. But I think it's so important that we also see how we can encourage the family and the parents and the grandparents, whoever the primary caregivers are, behind that. We work primarily in Taiwan.  But we're starting to expand out a little bit into other parts of Eastern Asia and the Pacific region on the Asia side of the Pacific.  Yeah, do a lot of sports, community projects, family things, just trying to connect with parents and trying to encourage them. Our ultimate goal is to connect them to healthy churches so that a lot of that support can be ongoing and local instead of through a nonprofit organization, to see if we can get churches to take this on.

Stephanie: Hey. I like the idea of churches taking on this. It's an important thing. It's good. That's good. And Brice and Amanda, you guys are a blessing to follow on Instagram with your seven kids and all of their adventures. I had so much you guys, thank you again for coming on today, for sharing some of your stories, for being vulnerable, for offering some hope. And then also just like some real feelings that I think people can connect with. So appreciate you guys and thank you for being with us today.

Brice & Amanda: Oh, thank you.

Uwe & MaDonna: Thank you for having us. Thank you.