Modern Day Missionaries

S07E18 Parenting Neurodivergent Kids on the Mission Field with Jenilee Goodwin

• Stephanie Leigh Gutierrez | Modern Day Missions • Season 7 • Episode 18

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What if your child can’t “just push through” like the other MKs? What if loud music, long travel days, or even sticky hands after a meal in community send them into sensory overload? And what if… God still called your family, with all its unique challenges, to the mission field?

In this very honest and beautifully grounded episode, Jenilee Goodwin—former missionary, mom of three daughters on the autism spectrum, and certified life coach—shares her story of raising neurodivergent kids overseas. From navigating diagnoses on the field to creating stabilizing rhythms in unpredictable places, Jenilee offers insight, empathy, and hard-won wisdom for families serving in complex realities. 

This conversation is a wake-up call to rethink resilience, ditch the guilt, and embrace a vision where your kids—just as they are—can thrive and be used mightily by God.

 

📌 In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

  • How to spot the hidden signs of neurodivergence in your kids—especially when you're overseas and in constant transition
  • What it looks like to set boundaries for your family when the ministry pace doesn't slow down
  • Why giving your kids the right language to advocate for themselves can transform your home life
  • How to build rhythms of stability in an unpredictable, cross-cultural world
  • What happens when you finally release the pressure to conform—and embrace how God uniquely wired your child


💭 Questions to Ponder as You Listen:

  • Where have you seen your child struggle in ways that others might miss or misunderstand?
  • Are there any expectations—yours or others'—that need to be re-examined in light of your child’s unique wiring?
  • How do you typically respond to your child’s sensory overload moments—and what might compassionate advocacy look like instead?
  • What are some small ways you could bring stability or predictability into your family’s current season?
  • How might God be using your child’s differences to bless others in unexpected ways?


Thanks for listening! Email us your questions at care@modernday.org

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Welcome to this episode of the Modern Day Missionaries podcast. Y'all, do you see the smile on my face right now? It's because I just finished up a fantastic conversation with Jenilee Goodwin that you're about to hear. And Jenilee is the mother of three daughters on the autism spectrum. She's a former missionary, she's a certified life coach, and we talk about what it's like to be the parent of neurodivergent children.

On the mission field, as if it isn't challenging enough in the States, it has a whole nother set of challenges on the field, but a whole other set of opportunities to ways that the Lord can use it to be a blessing to you and those around you. But man, we get into all of it. We get into the nitty gritty, the practical things about how to help your kids while you're there, about the feelings you feel while you're doing there, how to interact with team members, and other people in the culture. So much to talk about today and we go there. So I hope that you enjoy this conversation as much as I do. So with that, let's jump into today's conversation with Jenilee Goodwin.

Stephanie Gutierrez: Hey, Jenilee, thanks so much for joining us today.

Jenilee Goodwin: Absolutely. It's great to be here. 

Stephanie Gutierrez: So Jenilee, we're talking neurodiversity today, which is a subject close to both of our hearts. And I just want to go for it right off the bat. I mean, you are a missionary and you took three neurodivergent daughters on the field. What gave you the confidence to step into missions knowing you were parenting children with special needs? Like, how did that come about? It's a hard enough decision to go on the field, and you knew you had special kids and you decided to go. That is brave and I want to hear about it.

Jenilee Goodwin: Yeah. Well, it didn't feel so brave at the time. At the time, I think I was a little bit naive to thinking it's going to be great. You know, we hear that kids are resilient. And MKs, they're just gonna go with it. I was like, surely that's true. That's what everybody says. And you find out pretty quickly that that's not always true, especially if they're neurodivergent and we didn't have a diagnosis at the time. So it was more just a little bit of quirkiness here and there and some learning things and then that was masked by learning French and then going to British school and all these transitions when they're early elementary, you can kind of write things off to, Oh, we just moved. They've been through a lot. And it wasn't really till we settled in a few years overseas that I was like, Hmm. There is something here. So I would say I was a little bit more naive than brave, but I was brave. 

Stephanie Gutierrez: You know, God uses naivety sometimes in place of bravery when we don't have it. So whatever we have, he'll use it for his good. So I love that he used that. You know, we moved on the field and we were talking earlier, we have a daughter with special needs. And we did know she had more things we found out later, as we'll talk about, you found out some things while you were on the field. And I remember being pretty terrified, like, how's this going to work out, Lord? But it is this trust step and it's part naive, it's part trust. Well, Lord, if you called us, you are going to figure it out. 

Did you have those fears or thoughts? Like, how's this going to work before you go on the field? What was that thought process like for you?

Jenilee Goodwin: I would say not as much before we went. But after our first furlough back, that question of,  can we do this again? Can I take them back now knowing what I know? I think I faced that more. How do I go back? And can I really give them what they need? And at that point too, I just knew bits and pieces. We did some educational testing. We had high IQs. So my middle was listed as having a high IQ. Twice gifted. All these things that we had but we still didn't have the autism piece, but as we got these little pieces, it felt like, wow, this is really overwhelming. And can we do this? Can I go back?

Stephanie Gutierrez: Yeah. And let's even pause for a second there. And I realized I skipped over the diagnosis of your daughters, which was ASD or autism spectrum disorder. and I wanted to even just dig in a little bit more and let you explain what neurodivergent is, because there might be some people who have heard that term, because it's kind of a buzzword right now. It's very popular to talk about, and people might be wondering, what exactly does that mean?

Jenilee Goodwin: Yeah, it's a biological brain difference. The brain works differently, connects differently, processes information coming in and puts information out in a different way. It comes with its own strengths and its own set of challenges and weaknesses that are really really difficult if it's sensory, executive function. There's auditory, there's certain things that make it really challenging, but it's basically just a difference in the brain, not in a bad or a good or a normal or not normal, just it's a different way the brain works.

Stephanie Gutierrez: Some people might say, well, we're all different. So what makes neurodivergent more different than anybody else?

Jenilee Goodwin: It's the actual biological brain difference. So the neuroscience that's coming out on this is pretty cool. I think the next 10, 20 years of what we're going to learn about the brain and the whole vastness of the spectrum and what things are actually connected that we weren't really sure about. There's some back and forth on whether ADHD is a part of autism. Are they two separate diagnoses? Everybody's got an opinion on that right now, but I think some of the brain science that's coming out will tell us more, but MRIs and the more developments we have scientifically are helping us figure out what those differences really are, but you really see it in behaviors, challenges, thought processes, black and white thinking, rigidness, some of those things.

Stephanie Gutierrez: And, you know, I remember when we went on the field, I remember we were just talking about this earlier, but like, Googling what resources are there for missionaries of children with special needs or in your case, neurodivergent children or ASD or any of that. And there was like nothing out there. I mean, I think I found one random little tiny response to a blog when we got there. I think it would have been 14 years ago, I think.

And things have really changed. And I'm grateful because I think there were missionaries back then who were on the field with unique children, but there weren't places to really talk about that or people weren't talking about that. And now there is, and we're going to talk about it at the end. We're going to mine a little bit of information for you on how people can connect with you.  But I'm just grateful for people like you who are talking about this. I also think there was less awareness. So before it was kids with bad behavior, or we're just weird, or however we wanted to say it. And it's so helpful to actually know a little bit more of what's going on. 

Now I know with your story, you got your diagnosis for your girls a lot later and had to push for it. What was that like, that process of trying to get the diagnosis? And then what did that feel like once you finally got an official diagnosis?

Jenilee Goodwin: Yeah, I thought my middle child had autism from the time she was little. She just thought differently. She was difficult to comfort. She wouldn't take a pacifier. She broke everything because she had to figure out how it worked. She was really quiet, late to potty train, never slept.

Stephanie Gutierrez: Was she the one who did the puzzle? I remember you writing about a puzzle.

Jenilee Goodwin: She was 18 months old, putting a 24 piece puzzle together. She's a high IQ and once she started talking, it was in full sentences. And so, because she could communicate, because she could look the doctor in the eye, they're like, no autism. So it's really challenging to get any kind of diagnosis. My youngest was then diagnosed with ADHD. She was able to get an IEP, Individualized Education Plan, at the international school that they were at in Dakar West Africa. And that was really helpful, but I still knew there's pieces missing to this. So we did more educational testing, IQ, all of that. Got IEPs for my younger two. My oldest, I never really saw anything. She's high, really high functioning. She was valedictorian of her class and did really well, but the masking was really challenging for her. She'd be exhausted at the end of the night. I didn't recognize that as a symptom of really anything. Just a lot that I didn't know.

Stephanie Gutierrez: And explain masking, what is masking for people who might not have heard that term?

Jenilee Goodwin: This is slightly typical for girls on the spectrum. They're really good at pretending nothing's wrong or getting through the day by picking up on what other people are doing or just doing what their friends are doing, just trying to make it through. But then when they have the chance, they crash. It's exhausting to try to figure out socially what's going on in the room, reading people's expressions. And she just was really good at doing that. And the exhaustion really hit her when she left high school, transitioned to college and that's where she started verbalizing more of her sensory issues.

And as we were getting diagnosis for the younger to it kind of all culminated together in about 2021, where it was like, okay, we are going to officially go talk to an educational psychologist, get the full testing and ended up with ADHD sensory for my oldest, my middle child with autism level 2 with inattentive ADHD. And then my youngest, if you Google a typical girl with autism and ADHD, and that's her. She has all the battle within her of wanting to go do all the things but she can't do all the things because it exhausts her. So she clashes internally with that all the time. So we have the whole spectrum I think, represented in our girls.

Stephanie Gutierrez: Oh my gosh. Wow. Okay. So we know that there are challenges in a home country, in a passport country, walking through that? What was that like cross culturally? And I would say in two aspects, what was that like as you interacted with the people in the country, in Dakar, and what was that like as you interacted with fellow missionaries? 

Jenilee Goodwin: My girls really struggled more than I knew with the dust, with the heat, with having to touch the food if the children weren't given spoons, and then they were sticky and had to sit with sticky hands for a 4 hour service. I just didn't know. We didn't know at the time and they weren't really able to vocalize it in a way all the other MKs could do it. So why was it hard for them? And when they would say things, it was like, understand why this is so hard or why this is so different. So then you have the other people who are like, just make your kids sit and do it. And I'm thinking, I can't do that. I don't sense rebellion or disobedience. It's more like they genuinely are struggling, but I didn't understand why or how to talk to other missionary families about that. 

There were, there was definitely some understanding that the girls struggled. It wasn't to the extent of recognizing something was really wrong and so kind of walking that line between how much do you force them to, you know, be out there in a village and 120 degree heat with the sand blowing around and flies everywhere and just the assault of sensory or do you let them stay in and then the judgment of, you know, oh, gosh, you don't take our kids? And it's very challenging in ways that you just don't expect until, you know, your child's unique or executive function, or do they melt down? Do they shut down? What is the impact it's having on them? And what is the environment of the country that you're in on that? And yeah, the temperature of the mission community around you. Do they understand? Do they not? There's a lot to really feel out, especially before you know what's really going on.

Stephanie Gutierrez: Isn't that the truth? Now, I remember for us, I think my daughter and I were both diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety about six or seven years in. And you just don't know what you don't know. So in the beginning, and because we had so many of the same quirks, you just, I don't know, I didn't see it. But I remember she had been in a school for kids with special needs. By the grace of God, the Lord helped us find one. But it got to the point where she couldn't keep attending there anymore because the kids were either too old or too young. She was in a class with just a bunch of kids that were so much smaller, and she was hit in middle school and went, Mom, the kids are all so little.

I was working bi-vocationally at the time and doing missions work, and then homeschooling her and I never had thought of myself as a homeschool mom ever. I still say I was not a homeschool mom. I was a mom who did homeschooling. I feel like there's a core difference. I don't know. I remember when we were preparing to homeschool, we kind of tried it out for a few months to kind of get ready. And I thought, I don't know how I'm going to possibly do this, because the two of us with ADHD, not knowing we had it, and couldn't sit still for more than 60 seconds. 

I mean, we just would like to look at each other and all of a sudden, one of us would wander off. And it did. It got to the point where I thought, I don't think this is normal. I don't think this is the average person's experience. And I remember I started to read and do the research and we went and got testing and it was just like, 100%. Yes, you both do. There's no question asked. And it was on both of those diagnoses. And it was a little shocking, but also a little liberating to be honest. And we went through kind of what some of what you were saying is, you know, we would take her to church sometimes and she would go through seasons or periods where she would have these massive bouts of anxiety to the point where she would throw up as we were going into church.

You, you're like, how much do I force them to do it? Because I think as a missionary, there is some of like, we're tough. You know, you're talking about your values as a family. I think most missionaries have a little bit of the value of like, we're tough. We have resilience built in, otherwise you wouldn't go. I mean, for us, our family motto was “Gutierrez never give up.” So we said it all the time and, but it got to the point, I mean, I remember going to church one day and we were walking in, and we were right outside the church and she just vomited all right in front of the church. I mean,  cars are pulling up and taxis are dropping people off and they're coming off the bus and there's, you know, Madeline just throwing up and I'm just like, hi, welcome to church.

And then another time we took her to the youth group and she just threw up in the trash can right there in the patio area. And I went, I don't think we should be doing this right now. And I think that is a challenge for parents of kids with any type of special needs or who are neurodivergent is just what you said. What do we push through and do? What do we just say? Hey, I think this is not a good season for this or hey, this is beyond what my child can handle. Can you think of any specific instances where you wrestled with that in particular?

Jenilee Goodwin: Yeah, when our girls were going to a small British school, it was about an hour away from our home, and so we had a driver in our neighborhood and he would pick up all the M. K.'s in our neighborhood to drive that hour, but in West Africa, the cars, a lot of the seats are oiled, or they're covered with some fur of some kind with all the prayer beads hanging everywhere and all the stickers and the stuffed animals and it's loud. My girls still think of that as like, how did you make us do that mom? But I knew then the parents would take turns picking up in the afternoon so they would have an air conditioned car or something on the way home, but the ride to school was really rough. But then a British school day goes till 5 p. m. So a lot of times they weren't coming home till 6 p.m. And when they do that 5 days a week, and then you're expecting maybe a kids event on a Saturday and then a church visit on a Sunday, they don't get a break. There is no break day. So I remember that was one of the first lines that I kind of drew even before I knew their sensory load was already high. They already were at the max just from going to school, to then push them through the weekend. 

They weren't ready for Monday and I kind of made that call that if they really needed the weekend they could have it. If they needed a full Saturday or a full Sunday, possibly both, depending on how difficult the week itself was. So those are the kinds of permission that you need to give yourself as a parent of a neurodivergent child to let them regroup, let them rest, let them lower their sensory load, be ready for the next thing that comes rather than push through. If they're doing great, then maybe take them, but just knowing that it all has an impact, it all has weight, and it can be challenging to think they can just do it all.

Stephanie Gutierrez: Yes. Okay. So along that note, let's talk for a second about guilt because to deal with going on the mission field and there is that feeling of pushing your kids too hard. And there's the guilt that you feel for letting people down on your team or those you are serving. So Jenilee, how was it for you? How did you deal with the guilt that you felt on both sides at times? 

Jenilee Goodwin: Yeah. I would say definitely not perfectly. That is a really challenging path to walk. I'm very thankful that we learned about neurodivergence when we did, and I was able to kind of draw some of those lines of what we will do, what we won't, put some boundaries around, really start to not care as much about what other missionaries thought or what other families thought about what other MKs could do. There's really kind of a sense of, that's great that they can do that, but I can't make my girls do that. They can't stay up all night at an MK event and then go out and do ministry in a village all day. It will kill them, you can't expect the same things once you know. 

So it was kind of drawing some of those lines and it took some rebuilding of trust with my girls so that they could say, Mom, this is where my sensory is at, this is how tired I am, really. It's why I'm pretty passionate about labels and giving your kids the vocabulary to advocate for themselves, to know where they are on the spectrum and what are their specific challenges. Is going to a youth event that's got smoke machines and really loud music, is that a good fit for them? If they have ADHD, can they focus long enough to participate in this thing or that thing, giving them that vocabulary so they could advocate. 

But then as a parent, I had to be willing to listen to that, and that really rebuilt some trust with my girls. I didn't realize that in pushing them past those boundaries, I really broke trust with them and kind of had to rebuild that. Show them that I believed them, that I heard them, that we could talk through solutions. Okay, this is the event we're going to, or this is the expectation. This is what we're going to be doing. How does this feel? What do you feel like you can do? What do you feel like you can't do? Those kinds of conversations with my girls helped immensely with kind of balancing out that. What should I do? How do I do this? The guilt piece. I have apologized to my girls. I am so sorry you rode in that car for an hour every day. We didn't know. And they're so gracious. They really are that you're learning this with them. You're all on a journey together, figuring it out. And they're not perfect. We're not perfect. Being able to kind of just as a family, take a breath, lower the pressure and do what your family needs.

Stephanie Gutierrez: Yeah. And to your point, there are times where you have to do things that you know will really trigger your child or set them off. I mean, that's just life, no matter where you live. But on the mission field, certainly there's just times you have to do it and you're just like, I am so sorry, you guys, I know how hard this is for you. And there's not really much we can do about it right now. So let's process this later and say I’m sorry. But it's being aware of it, at least. 

And I think it's really interesting, too, to consider your personality as a parent. Because there might be some grandparents listening or people from older generations where this wasn't really a topic so much or a consideration. It was kind of just like push through, just push through. And so sometimes I think if you're on a team and you are maybe of a different generation and you see younger families who are dealing with this, it can feel like we didn't do that in my generation. Like we just pushed through. And hey, that was totally your missionary story. And there's a new missionary story being written. So what generation are you from? What's your personality type? 

I mean, all those people pleasers out there, which, hey, I was in the club. I still feel it. I don't always do it, but I still feel it. I mean, we have to watch ourselves so that we're not pleasing the people around us more than we are caring for our own children. And then there's the buck up personality type where you're like, hey, we can do this. So, you know, it's even just taking the time to recognize how I am wired and how might that affect my kids? Or am I a missionary who has a tender heart and I just cater to my children so much that maybe the Lord is calling me to pull them up in a certain area and grow them. Okay. 

And that actually makes me want to transition to a new question. And that is how you have seen your girls making a unique impact and blessing on the people around them with the way that they're wired?

Jenilee Goodwin: I think they gave the other MKs permission to rest, to kind of be themselves. And there was a unique group. We had transitioned to South Africa and this group of MKs and Annalise, my middle, who's really a level two. She kind of hits that shutdown and 8 p.m. is her shutdown time and that's just when the other MK's are getting geared up to go play games or go running around outside with flashlights or whatever and she's like flat on the floor laying down and it was so cute to hear the other MK's say, it's Annalise's bedtime. Who's gonna walk Annalise back to her room? Taking care of them because they were able to kind of vocalize and just watch the MKs all kind of learning about this together and even recognizing some things on their own, maybe an ADHD or some kind of sensory issue and realizing, oh, that bothers me too.

And just kind of that connection of letting themselves talk about the things that bothered them because you know that MKs are tough which is a great thing. We all want that for our kids, but we also want that to be balanced with, yeah, you've got weaknesses and things too, that you can't just stuff and stuff until you can't anymore.

Stephanie Gutierrez: That's beautiful. So seeing your girls, especially Annalise, just kind of own some of her challenges, gave them permission to own some of theirs and taught them how to take care of somebody who's a little bit different. That's fantastic. I saw that with our daughter Madeline too. Not only just the kind of squirrely, fun, light, joy that she'd bring everywhere she went. I mean, I think of our whole family, everybody loved her the most. She is a total blast everywhere she goes. But I think it taught a lot to people at church about how to behave around someone with special needs or who's neurodivergent, how to care for them. 

I mean, I watched our church already in process, but I think our family story helped to create a ministry for kids with special needs or kids who are neurodivergent. Oh, yeah, we have a missionary come in, Lisa, who's just amazing, and then another one, Katie, who I knew, and they came in and were so instrumental in getting these things going and bringing awareness. And our children's pastor created just an amazing ministry with Lisa for kids with special needs.

And, you know, I remember to this day, Madeline she had become friends during COVID with a young gal we knew who was a lawyer who kind of just became her one on one helper with a lot of things. And this young woman is now getting ready to graduate with her master's in another country on special needs law on taking care of kids and wants to bring it back to her country. And I just, I think sometimes we can feel like we're a burden when we bring our kids with their needs and everyone has to help us all the time. But we can so underestimate the impact that God wants to make on people around them through their lives. I mean, we know this couple who came down and they did conferences for parents of neurodivergent and special needs kids, Brad and Karen. And they would remind us that our children have as strong of a call on their life as we do. And I remember the first time I heard that. I mean, I'm going to be totally honest. It was a little hard to believe. It felt like a shock to my system. Like, I hadn't thought about that. But our kids are just as much living that missionary life over there as we are. And God can use them as much, if not more, if we can get a vision for how God might use them. So I love hearing just even the ways that your daughters impacted the families around you guys.

Jenilee Goodwin: We had pastors, a South African couple, and they were church planting actually two churches at the same time. So they would do one service and then immediately go to another service and they had just found out that their daughter was on the autism spectrum and were trying to navigate this busy Sunday morning and just being able to talk to that pastor's wife and let her know it's okay. It’s okay if you've got to take her home, if you have somebody that's sitting with her and helping her and taking care of her, it is okay. And just to have that with, it's not just our missionary families that are dealing with this, it is in other countries as well and growing. And it's a real need to see that represented in our missionary families.

Stephanie Gutierrez: Absolutely. And I would say, especially in places where there isn't as much in place to value or care for neurodivergent or special needs individuals, when they can see our families modeling it well, I think it really can have an impact on the culture and on the people around you. So there's so much the Lord can do.

Okay. So thinking about the missionary life, It's an unpredictable life. I mean, things are just always changing. There's teams coming in and this happening and this happening. And I know like talking about your girls and for a lot of neurodivergent kids, they need routine. What were some rhythms or routines or things that you did to try and give them stability in a life that doesn't necessarily lend toward that?

Jenilee Goodwin: Yeah. I remember we first started support-raising and traveling and the organization that we were with, it wasn't just like you had three churches or four churches, you had maybe 200 places and lots of support, of people to connect with. So it was a lot of travel I just was like, I'm not packing light. I'm taking the stuffies, I'm taking the blankets. I had laundry baskets with their stuff that we would get to a hotel room and I would set it up the same for each hotel room we went to. Here's this one's animal, this one's blanket with this stuffed animal, and lay things out so that when they walk in that hotel room it is home, you know, and little things like that that my girls remember, they still look in pictures. So like, oh, there's my blanket because that traveled with them wherever and came overseas with us. We put a lot of luggage in toys and stuffed animals. We shrink wrapped all of the many stuffed animals as we could just trying to keep some stability in their things. 

Again, we didn't do that perfectly. I can look back and think, wow, that was a lot. It had to have been so painful for my girls every time we sold things, every time we had a garage sale, every time we had to transition to a new place, how difficult that was. But I knew even before a diagnosis that my girls really needed stability. So I just took small steps to make things as welcoming and homey as possible wherever we were. Once we got overseas it became even more challenging because you just don't know what's going to happen in a day. You don't know. You can't know how long you're going to be out. You don't know if you're stuck in traffic. You just don't know. So many things you don't know. At that point though, I had learned to recognize signs of meltdown, signs that they were shutting down, trying to catch those moments before they were happening, or having ways that they could regulate. So a go bag of some kind that had some snacks and things to do and just making sure we had data on our phones so that I could put a movie on. It takes extra planning and thinking to kind of get through things, which is why our parents of neurodivergent kids are so exhausted. It's a lot of work, extra thinking through some things but it can be done, it's just really challenging for kids who need that stability. 

Stephanie Gutierrez: A key time when they really do need that stability and I love, like, you always hear the phrase packing light, travel light, and we're like, travel heavy, bring all the stuff. I mean, you do what you gotta do, right?

Jenilee Goodwin: Here I come with all my bags, you know, like all the things. We just need all the things.

Stephanie Gutierrez: Yep. So, hey, if you're listening, travel heavy, if you need to, and I can't say no one will judge you, but if they do too bad for them, because they're not, living your life. That's the truth. I love that you set up all the hotel rooms to kind of have a similar feel. That's so smart. That's so, I hadn't even thought about that.

We just kind of had our staple toys that always come along. You know, there's a baby doll, the baby doll has to come. And there's a few key items and there's meltdowns if they're not there. And for somebody else, it looks like an attitude issue, but they don't realize the stability that provides for your child. And again, when you're living an unstable life or a transition life, having some of those things that stay consistent. 

So you talked about some objects that were consistent. I would say through transitions or even just from day to day, did you have some non object things like routines or rhythms that were consistent that you were able to do?

Jenilee Goodwin: Yeah, I kept thinking about my girl's entire life. Bedtime was bedtime. They needed a break. I needed a break. So, I tried really hard if an event was super late, we didn't do it. So, all night prayer at the church, we are probably not going to be there with our children. It's not worth the challenges that come with getting off that routine, upsetting a sleep schedule. It's not just, oh, they'll make it up tomorrow night. It doesn't really work like that. It's like a reserve that you keep lowering and lowering and lowering. So then of what they're able to handle just on a regular day, it's not worth it. 

So bedtime, mealtime, making sure that they were eating. We had some food sensitivities and things, so it was being careful about that place going to have anything that had things that Annalise can eat or having snacks or foods available that she could have. I put some pretty good boundaries around our time and our days and made them pretty structured, especially when they were little, to the best of my ability. Me being home when they got home from school, so we could unpack the day verbally, let them talk it through or process anything that was happening, that was super important, devotions at bedtime with my girls, was kind of just a thing I'd always wanted to do, but now looking back, realizing that was a key processing time for them, where they would verbalize things that maybe they wouldn't verbalize at another time.

I think that's true for neurotypical kids or neurodivergent kids, but it really was a sweet time. The girls were in their bed. Oh, Abby may have been hanging upside down from her bunk bed or something, but it was such a precious time for them to unpack their day. Go to sleep with some kind of something from Jesus. And it was part of the routine that kept our girls feeling safe. There are certain things I would pray like Lord go with us, go before us and behind us, all around us; send your angels to guard us at all the points, the corners of our home. And I hear from my girls because of the repetitive nature of a neurodiverse brain, sometimes they will pray for those things. And it just, those routines, those things that you put in place to have conversations, to pull them out into your family's world really pays off in the long run and creates that sense of safety, that instability that they need when. Lots of things aren't stable and there's lots of transition.

Stephanie Gutierrez: Yeah. Okay. I feel like you read my mind because I was just going to ask you about spiritual things that you guys have done, because we've talked about mental, we've talked about emotional, physical things. What would be some of those anchoring things? You mentioned it with devotions spiritually that helped them feel more settled or calm or whatever in those moments.

Jenilee Goodwin: Yeah, neurodivergent kids are super creative. They're going to ask the thing. They're not afraid to comment on a Bible story that has something slightly inappropriate in it, and you kind of have to go with it. You've got to hear them out, hear their thought process. I learned very quickly that ADHD is not going to sit for a 30 minute Bible lesson. I could get a short phrase into their head. I had done devotions with them. I had given them something to think about. It didn't have to be really long. It also, of course, depends on where your children are on the spectrum. You have one child who detests interrupting. You have another one who interrupts constantly because she's going to forget everything she's thinking before she can say it.

So you're trying to like, accommodate all these, you know, temperaments. There's some of my favorite memories with my girls and they remember that and just because your neurodivergent child's struggling to sit still, they might have to be rolling around on the floor or hanging upside down or inside all these blankets, but they're listening and it's an opportunity to really pour into them, pray with them. I did pray a lot of the same things, just that repetitive, helping them have words, put words to their own prayers, and it was worth the frustration, the extra time to have that time with the girls.

Stephanie Gutierrez: Oh, I love that you let them wiggle around too while you were doing devotions or simplifying it or not having certain expectations because you're absolutely right. That sitting still can just be so hard. And who cares if they're hanging upside down and asking questions? They're engaged. I mean, however they're engaged, but if they have to sit there and just stare you in the eyes while you're giving your sermon to them, they're not going to retain anything. So like you said, they're creative and we can be creative. Lord, how can I be creative in saying this in a way that's going to connect with my child? 

I mean, I remember we discovered breath prayers. And that was such a good way for us to do it. Our daughter Madeline dealt with a lot of anxieties. We'd say, well, I'm afraid but I put my trust in you. And we do little hand motions. And so to kind of just go back to that, or we did a scripture memorization for one year, two weeks on a verse, a verse of the week. And I was shocked. She was actually memorizing them. So sometimes, I mean, so often too, they can do things that we aren't aware that they can do. And so it's a grand experiment where you are just trying things and throwing noodles up against the wall and seeing what sticks and not judging yourself if they don't. And just trying again and trying again until you're able to capture their attention or say something or do something in a way that it clicks.

So that's parenting in a nutshell is like, did I do something that connects with everybody, but also like adjusting that and editing it so it connects with them as individuals as well. You're parenting as a group and you're parenting individuals. And that is such a challenge, but God is so graceful to give us ideas when we look and when we parent in community. And that's what I love. I would love for you to talk a little bit about some of the things that you do, because I do think it's so important to not try and do this by ourselves. It is so refreshing to talk to other people and parents who are doing this.

 So share a little bit about some of the resources that you have available and how people can find out more about you, Jenilee.

Jenilee Goodwin: Yeah, having three girls on the spectrum and just kind of learning about that late in life, just the impact that had on our family in a lot of really challenging ways. I got connected with another autism coach and went through her neurodiversity training, so I have that certification along with my life coaching certification. I'm also ordained, so I just kind of took all of that and put it together and thought, you know what, Lord, what can you do with this? So about a year ago, I launched a life coaching business and quite a few of the people that I work with all over the world and all different countries. It's either, what happens when you're diagnosed? Or you're on the field and realize, oh, this is me, especially autism, ADHD combination and how that works with being a missionary and all the executive functions, newsletters and fundraising and reporting. And it's very difficult for adults on the spectrum too. So I work with a kind of a combination of moms trying to figure out schooling.

I homeschooled. On and off through the years too. So just finding the resources to do that with special needs medical things on the field, all of that. I just love being a safe place to just get on a call with somebody and let them share their unique story, their unique challenges with life that's impacted by neurodiversity and have somebody who understands to listen and kind of brainstorm and hear the story and plan next steps.

Stephanie Gutierrez: Just such a gift. It's just so nice to know that there is a resource out there that's available. I mean, I wish you would have been there when I figured all this out, you know, 15 years ago. So what a blessing for missionaries because we just barely skimmed the surface. I mean, we could have talked for hours more about so many more things. My hope is that missionaries have a ton of follow-up questions and so they can head on over to your website to find out more. I know you have worked with Global Trellis. You put together a workshop they could take advantage of.

Jenilee Goodwin: Yeah, it's a whole week of workshops called Neurodiversity Week and we address just kind of a whole day on what neurodiversity is. We talked about TCKs, we talked about adults and singles on the field, we talked about member care and what member care can be doing to help our families. We just touched on a lot of different topics. You can go to Global Trellis and look up Neurodiversity Week and that's all there for you.

Stephanie Gutierrez: So we encourage you to take a step. There's a lot of steps you could take, and you might be thinking, where do I even begin? Just pick one, just ask the Lord and pick one and take one next step. Whether it's connecting with a community online. I know Velvet Ashes has a lot of communities, whether it's heading on over to Jenilee's website, whether it's going to Global Trellis and taking the course. There's one thing we believe the Lord will lead you to do to take a step in whatever that next right direction is for you. 

But I'm just gonna ask you generally to close this out with some final encouraging words. What would you want to say to a parent who is just feeling overwhelmed and discouraged right now?

Jenilee Goodwin: Yeah, I would say you're not alone. There is community. There are other families that are walking this road. Your story is unique and challenging and so much about it that people don't understand, but you're not alone. There's other families walking this road too, so be encouraged and God has something special for your family with the special gifts and needs that he's placed in your family.

Stephanie Gutierrez: Yes. Amen to that. Genuinely, thank you so much for being with us today. We appreciate you.

Jenilee Goodwin: You're welcome. Thanks for having me.

 

People on this episode

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Stephanie Leigh Gutierrez

Host
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Luke Eubank

Producer